Looking for Emily Read online

  For Sophie, who all my stories

  have been for.

  One

  Lily Hargan was not happy. Edge, her new home town, was tiny and scruffy. One of those blink-and-you’ll-miss-it seaside towns glimpsed from a car as you zoomed off somewhere more exciting. An in-between sort of place, all rugged cliff edges and sun-bleached shutters and lopsided pavements.

  Lily was also tiny and scruffy, and you might have thought this similarity would inspire a little fondness for the town. Kindred spirits and all. You would be wrong.

  Lily missed the city. She missed the buildings stretching to the sky, the noise, the rush of people, the thousands of stories piled in on top of each other. She liked to sit in the park, writing elaborate backstories for the people scurrying past. The woman in the enormous sunglasses was a famous actor in disguise. The one wheeling the old suitcase was on the run from her cruel family. The lady in the fancy coat? The greatest jewel thief in the world.

  Here, the game was ruined. Everyone in Edge knew everyone and that was that. They all had solid, mundane lives. What was anyone supposed to do with that?

  Lily had felt a brief glimmer of hope on discovering that Edge had a pirate museum, and had packed her binoculars and a peanut butter sandwich and set off with the intention of finding some buried treasure, or at the very least some grisly pirate stories.

  No luck. The museum was just a load of tatty old books filled with unreadable curly handwriting, pieces of smashed-up wood that might have once been pieces of boats, and photographs of the town that confirmed Lily’s suspicion that it hadn’t changed a bit in about a hundred million years. She couldn’t believe they had managed to make pirates boring.

  With nothing else to do, Lily had taken to sloping around her new house looking melancholy. Her mum either failed to notice or chose not to – she was relentlessly cheerful, bringing home pocketfuls of seashells and banging on endlessly about the wonders of fresh air. As far as Lily could see, there was plenty of air in the city. And it didn’t smell like fish.

  In the days leading up to the start of school, Lily had consoled herself that at least there was a hint of glamour in being the new girl – she was the mysterious stranger, the big-city girl, a swan in a flock of humdrum seagulls. But as the first day approached, her confidence wavered and cracked. Really, there was nothing fun about being the new girl.

  The well-meaning smiles of her classmates sent irritation prickling across her skin. They felt sorry for her – she knew it. They pitied her for having no friends. She could just imagine their questions and polite, practised responses. Oh, you’re from the city? What do you think of Edge? She’d rather die. Which was how she ended up eating her lunch in her English teacher’s classroom.

  Lily liked Ms Hanan. She laughed a lot, and with her bright lipstick and pretty patterned hijabs she seemed to be the most glamorous person that Edge had to offer. Not that there was really much competition.

  Books were scattered around the classroom and Ms Hanan encouraged Lily to dive in.

  “It’s one of my favourites.”

  Lily looked up. “What?”

  Ms Hanan gestured to the book in Lily’s hand. “Charlotte’s Web. It’s one of my favourites.”

  “Oh. Yeah, me too.”

  This particular copy was Lily’s own. It was well worn and Ms Hanan’s mouth twitched approvingly as she took in the battered cover and lovingly dog-eared pages. Lily had always surrounded herself with books. They were more reliable than people. A book would never break a promise to you. A book would never ask how you were just so it could talk about itself. A book would never have a super-annoying laugh. Books were always there, ready to sweep you up and hold you tight whenever you needed them. They were the perfect company.

  She suddenly realised she’d been reading the same sentence over and over for about five minutes.

  “I always saw a little of myself in the farmer’s daughter,” said Ms Hanan. “When I was a kid I was a sucker for a lost cause. Always coming home with jars of caterpillars and buckets of crabs and crying inconsolably when my dad told me we couldn’t keep them.”

  Lily wrinkled her nose. She had always thought the farmer’s daughter was a bit of a drip.

  “I think I’m more of a Charlotte the spider.”

  Ms Hanan nodded. “That’s a good thing to be. Intelligent. Loyal.”

  “Weird?”

  “We all need a bit of weird in our lives, Lily. Weird is good.”

  Lily shrugged.

  “She’s independent too. Like you. But you know, her adventures begin when she’s brave enough to make a friend.”

  Lily snapped the book shut. “Are we still talking about Charlotte’s Web?”

  Ms Hanan laughed. “I’m just making an observation. She might have spent her whole life in that barn corner if she hadn’t worked up the courage and said hello to someone.”

  “She says ‘salutations’.”

  “That’s because she’s a show-off.”

  “No point being smart if you’re not going to show it off.”

  Ms Hanan shook her head. “You were right. You are a Charlotte. And that being the case, I’m going to set you some homework. I want you to do exactly what Charlotte does. I want you to make a friend. Well, nothing quite as hard as that. I want you to pick someone in the school and say hello to them before class on Monday.”

  Lily’s head jerked up. “You can’t set that as homework.”

  Ms Hanan’s eyes were sparkling. She looked thoroughly pleased with herself. “Watch me.”

  “But, miss!”

  “No. No buts. I expect you to arrive in my class on Monday morning with your homework completed.”

  “But everyone here is so…” Lily let the sentence trail off under Ms Hanan’s arching eyebrow.

  “I’m not asking you to get married. Just say hello. I don’t care if you yell it and then run away. Although people might find that a little strange.”

  “People already think I’m strange.”

  “They do not. Now, go and choose someone. They might surprise you.”

  Lily highly doubted it.

  Two

  Just like every other road in Edge, the one that Lily was on came out by the sea. The water lay dull and flat among the jagged rocks, waves sucking greedily at the shore. When her mum had told her they were moving to the seaside, she had at least hoped for pristine white sands like you saw on TV.

  Edge’s beaches weren’t like that at all. The sand was dark and generously peppered with pebbles and seashells. Seaweed streaked its surface and little pools thrived in the craggy rocks, teeming with life. Lily refused to be interested in any of it, despite her mum’s enthusiasm. There were a few families dotted on the sand now, building castles, writing their names with enormous sticks. She sighed heavily and turned away to head home.

  The street curved away in front of her. She hadn’t been down this way before but she guessed it must be close enough to where she had been aiming. The whole town seemed like it was about a hundred steps across, so anywhere was close enough really. She turned left down the next alley and frowned. It looked exactly the same as the last one.

  The tall whitewashed houses were strung out in front of her like sheets of paper, with colourful doors and neat window boxes. Lily tore a flower out of one and then suddenly felt guilty. She tucked it back in. At the end of the road, she stopped dead. Another identical street. She was definitely lost. She started to wonder if she was having a nightmare. An endless road of Edge houses, twisting around her for all eternity.

  She tried to retrace her steps to work out which direction the main road was in, but the curving streets threw her. The whisper of the sea was ever present. She took out her phone and started to type in her
mum’s name, then stopped and stuffed it back into her pocket. She was twelve years old. She couldn’t phone her mum and tell her she’d got lost like a little kid. Besides, she didn’t even know how to describe where she was. Oh yeah, I’m on that street that looks like all the other streets. Hope you find me before I starve to death! She would just have to find her way home.

  She wasn’t really sure what made her notice the door. It sat between two identical white houses, so narrow it was almost invisible. It was painted dark glossy green and was slightly ajar. Lily sidled up to it. The gap between the door and its frame was furred with cobwebs. She tried to peer through, but all she could see was gloom. She suddenly couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something waiting for her behind the door.

  She put her palm flat on the wood and gave it a tentative push. It swung open, sending tiny puffs of dust spinning into the air. This was a door that hadn’t been touched in a long time.

  To Lily’s surprise, it opened to reveal a thin spiral staircase. A tiny golden arrow was nailed to the wall, pointing upwards. Lily glanced behind her. There was no one around. She should try to get home really. She was already running late. On the other hand, this was the only interesting thing she’d found since moving to Edge.

  She slid round the door and started to climb the stairs. At the top was another wooden door, also slightly ajar. There was a small brass sign fixed to it, bearing the word “Museum”. She wiped the dirt from a second, smaller sign underneath and bent to read the curling copperplate writing. The Museum of Emily.

  Lily stood blinking at the sign for a moment. Whatever she had been expecting, this wasn’t it. She pushed open the door and entered the museum. There was a low wooden desk in front of her, but no one behind it. Everything was coated in a thick layer of dust and she fought to hold back a sneeze. As she approached, she saw a shiny bell on the desk, like in old-fashioned hotels, and couldn’t stop a delighted smile spreading over her face. Lily pressed the bell, taking great pleasure in its rich ding.

  “Service, please,” she said loudly.

  The sound of the bell echoed briefly around the space and then died away. No one came. Lily cleared her throat gently.

  “Hello?” she called. “I’d like to visit the museum.”

  She started to feel silly, and turned to go back down the stairs, but stopped when she reached the door. She traced the letters of the sign with her fingertips. Emily had planted herself firmly in Lily’s mind, like an itch. With a sigh, Lily returned to the desk.

  “Hello-o?” she shouted one more time, just to be sure.

  Then, confident that there was no one coming, she slipped round the back of the desk and started snooping. Being behind the desk felt illicit and thrilling. The top two drawers were annoyingly empty, the bottom two intriguingly locked. She yanked on them but the locks were sturdy and didn’t give.

  Remembering a book she had read where someone could pick any lock with a hairpin, she fished around in her unruly curls. Result! She tugged the clip from her hair, blowing the falling strands out of her eyes. She crouched in front of the lock and inserted the hairpin into it. She wiggled it around, ear pressed to the drawer, listening for a click. Nothing. Shaking her head, she tried to pull the pin back out again. It was stuck. Of course it was. She pulled harder and the metal snapped, pinging into the lock. She cursed as loudly as she dared and gave the drawer a hopeful wiggle. No luck.

  There was a tiny window behind the desk, spilling sunlight into the room. The dust filling the air carved the light into a thick, solid slice, constantly shifting and changing. It made Lily’s head spin a little. She stood on her tiptoes and looked through. A laugh forced its way out and she rolled her eyes. She could see the main road. She must have been a street or two away the whole time. She returned to the front of the desk and read the small white placard standing to one side.

  An arrow pointed to a dark entryway on the left. Lily looked at her phone. She was pretty late. But given that she was already pretty late, there was no sense in rushing off now. Besides, she was only a few minutes from home, now that she knew where she was. Might as well have a look around.

  The room that Lily entered was oddly shaped, long and narrow. Glancing back at the spiral staircase, she realised that it must run parallel to the alleyway outside. This was what lay behind the facade of one of the white houses. She stood still, letting her eyes adjust to the gloom, and shapes began to come into focus around her. Soft light leaked from an overhead bulb, casting long, wild shadows against the walls.

  One wall was blank, covered in dark wood panelling. Stretching the length of the opposite wall was an exhibition case. In the case Lily could see an assortment of glass boxes, black frames and small drawers, each labelled with a neat white rectangle. At the very end of the room was another doorway, upon which there was a gold arrow, pointing downwards.

  The air felt heavy and musty, and no sounds from the outside world seeped in, not even the ever-present sea. Which was why the sudden vibrating of her phone made Lily jump about a metre in the air. She pulled it out, her heart hammering hard against her ribs. Her mum. She winced, bracing herself.

  “Hello?”

  “Lily Hargan, where on earth are you?”

  “I’m really sorry, Mum. I meant to call.”

  “I’ve been worried sick about you.”

  “I know, I’m sorry. I meant to phone but I forgot. I’m … just hanging out with a friend.”

  “A friend?” Her mum’s voice filled with undisguised happiness. “I thought you didn’t like anyone in Edge?”

  “Er, yeah, she’s a new friend.”

  “Who is she?”

  “Er, her name is Emily. She’s … in my class at school.”

  “Well, that’s lovely, sweetheart. I’m glad you’re settling in.”

  Lily rubbed her forehead. “Yeah, it’s great.”

  “I’m just starting on dinner, so…”

  “Yeah, I’ll leave now. Be home soon.”

  “We’ve got plenty here, so you’re welcome to invite Emily along.”

  “No!” yelled Lily. She cleared her throat and forced her voice back down to a reasonable level. “No, she can’t today. She’s having dinner with her family.”

  “Oh. Next time then. She’s always welcome. I’d like to meet her.”

  “Sure. See you soon.”

  “See you soon, love.”

  Lily hung up and gritted her teeth. There was no way her mum was going to forget about that. Where was she going to find a fake Emily in this dump of a town?

  She approached the exhibition case and peered inside. The first exhibit was a small piece of paper inside a photo frame, yellowed with age and spattered with something dark and sticky-looking. Lily brushed the grime from the glass with her sleeve. The creases in the paper were deep and slightly furry, as though it had been folded and unfolded many times. It was covered in pretty, looping handwriting. Lily stooped to read the label.

  Mum’s apple pie recipe. As made on Emily’s birthday.

  Three

  The house was filled with the smell of apples stewing. Normally that was the best thing about apple pie – even better than the first slice. The warm, sharp smell as the sugar melted into caramel, as the apples fell apart. But now it hooked Emily hard under the ribs.

  It had been four days. Four days since someone had spotted her mum’s little boat bobbing empty in the cove. Four days since the police had told them that anyone who went into that stormy water wasn’t coming back out. And Emily hadn’t believed it. She’d been so sure. They’d never seen her mum swim, didn’t understand that she belonged to the sea, that the sea would never hurt her. But now it was Emily’s birthday and her mum hadn’t returned.

  “You’ve got too much water,” said Caitlyn. “That’s why it’s sticking.”

  Caitlyn was Emily’s older sister.

  “I’m following Mum’s recipe,” said Emily. “That’s how much water she says to put in.”

  “That’
s not how baking works,” said Caitlyn, sprinkling flour on to the sodden dough on the counter. “It’s like magic. You have to feel it.”

  She put her hands on top of Emily’s, showing her how to knead in the flour. The dough started to come together and stopped sticking to the surface. Emily fetched the rolling pin, mouth set in a grim, determined line. Caitlyn put a hand on top of her head.

  “Hang on.” She dipped her finger and thumb into the bag of flour and smeared a little on Emily’s nose. She did the same with her own. “There, perfect. Now we can roll.”

  Emily’s mouth twitched, just a little.

  “Tell me a story. Tell me about Grandpa and the pirate.”

  “I’ve told you that one a million times,” said Caitlyn, but she wasn’t really protesting. She loved telling the story as much as Emily loved hearing it. An old family folk tale, moulded and remoulded by each generation.

  “Well, it was hundreds of years ago, back when our family still owned the lighthouse, and Great-Great-Grandpa John kept the light burning, just like his father had, and his father before him.” Caitlyn paused to stir the apples, filling the kitchen with sweet-smelling steam as she lifted the lid of the pot. “That night, there was a great storm. Lightning tearing the sky apart, winds howling, rain beating against the lighthouse so hard that Grandpa John thought the glass might crack. But it held and he kept the flame lit, even though he knew no one would be mad enough to sail in that weather.”

  “Well, almost no one,” said Emily.

  Caitlyn nodded seriously. “That’s right. Because as the light swung round on to the frothing sea, he saw the impossible.”

  “A boat!”

  “The remains of a boat. And a man, half drowned, clutching on to the wreckage.” Caitlyn’s voice hitched slightly on the words. She swallowed. Emily looked up at her but her face remained calm and impassive. “Now, Grandpa John had a choice to make. He knew that he’d be risking his life if he went to help the man. But he also knew that it was his duty. So he readied his boat and rowed out into the storm.”